Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The Olympian is in my bed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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