Screwed.edu
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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