just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
