YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
