Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
