Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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