i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
