make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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