3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
