I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
