New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
