A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
