So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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