Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
