im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
