Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
