Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
