I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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