Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
