barbara walters just said penis...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
