I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
