just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
