dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
