I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
