They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
