it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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