I want to make a zoo with you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
