whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
