so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
two words: eviction party
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
