Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
