I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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