I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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