ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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