So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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