So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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