The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
