Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
