just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
