well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
