I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
