if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
