i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
