The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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