Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
