what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
