he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
