I wanna bring you to show and tell
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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