Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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