Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
