tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
