So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
