I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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