So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
