I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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