I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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